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The true meaning of the precepts is not just that one should refrain from drinking alcoholbut also from getting drunk on nirvana. Bassui


the older i get, the more i realize how very little i know or understand. with each passing year it seems that my understanding that i don’t know grows perhaps in proportion with how much less i know than i did the year prior. it’s humbling certainly. i can’t pretend that i have all the answers. rarely can i pretend that i understand what’s going on nor can i predict how things will meander before they end (if they even end)

the garden is in transition now. the shrubs have begun to grow back but are not with full mane. the trees have sprouted leaves and blossoms but those have not come in fully nor grown to full size. the lilacs have not bloomed yet, although the buds are a rosy blush color and a scent has begun to waft.

i have been taking the new medication for about a month now without a visible or annoying side effect. i restarted eating the bio-engineered algae from michael kiriak at the same time and ceased taking the truvada. today as i was having lunch it seemed as if i might actually be getting some of my sense of taste back. it has been so long since i have tasted the layers and depth that food and seasoning have to offer. i have attributed some overeating to just wishful thinking with regard to having a whirl around the floor with my tastebuds.

a family reunion of sorts is being planned for august right around my birthday. i wish i could be more enthusiastic about it. my emotional reaction is almost that of a teenager- defiant and dismissive. i do struggle with the tribal buttons that get pushed coupled with the abundance of self-medication that goes on. i thought about heading to lake michigan that weekend but i am weary of acting like i’m 17.

my neighbors put their unit up for sale today. they are asking double what i paid for mine 7 years ago. it is strange to think that this part of my life will change. i will have to be part of a new relationship and i don’t feel ready yet.

my badge for work was looking shoddy so i went to hr and got a replacement. there was a different  job title under my picture and when i questioned it i was told that it was in the system. hmmmm

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