I feel the earth move Under my feet I feel my heart start to tremblin’ Whenever you’re around.
as my 58th birthday rounds I have noticed a distinct shift in my focus and my intention. Until recently, I have been taking direction from my muse and my instinct. I’m not sure if it’s general fatigue or perhaps a shift in direction, but I am becoming acutely aware of a change ahead.
the last two years I have worked as a substance use counselor while I have advocated for more focus on recovery in my community. I have increasingly become more conflicted as I work for organizations whose implied interest in leading clients to recovery is overshadowed by behavior management, compliance, and billing and collections. Although I have a soft spot for helping people who are enmeshed in struggle, I do understand financial realities of doing business. I simply am not convinced that recovery oriented treatment services and financial stability are not mutually exclusive. I certainly hope I can experience that theory before I retire.
this tremor beneath my feet which is making itself known is connected to a deeper allegiance to merging the ideas of recovery oriented services being both fiscally and morally prioritized. The karmic aspects of accepting less than those ideals is beckoning me to reflect here.
the interesting caveat here is a newly detected laissez-faire with regard to fitting a square peg in a round hole here.
although I covet a shift in the focus of treatment to actually focus on the client, the older I become the more satisfied I can be cooking great food, growing and pruning, telling stories and teaching. The latter have much less heartache.